Thursday, September 30, 2004

Least likely causes of death for an elephant.

If you're prepared to trudge through eight or ten dopey responses for each good one:

Huh? What? Huh? Ha! Huh? What? Huh? HA!

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Guess what he found!

Who knew we'd lost one of these? Florida braces for expected attack of giant radioactive crab. Tough year Florida.

Ick, ick, ick.

For those of you who mocked me at poker last week... Well, more specifically, for those of you who mocked me about the ice cream thing:

Japanese Ice Cream

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

In other Axis of Evil news

Pyongyang Hot Rod Association Ted sent me this link just in time to add it to the list of things that Kerry better bring up Thursday. Perhaps N. Korea is worried that without a visible WMD to use as a deterrent they are at risk of being invaded by the US over empty aluminum tubes.
Yeah, after we are done with Iraq you'd better look out, North Korea, cause you're like fourth on our list (unless we put Iraq back in there again, then you're fifth) and then you'll really be sorry when we get around to you.

Monday, September 27, 2004

English language comedy!

In your face, Danish comedyI just caught an episode of Spaced on Trio. Having seen it I can now become justifiably overwrought about how great Shaun of the Dead certainly must be. In looking it up I found this site listing all comedy. Unfortuantely for us Yanks, I am afraid that for every ten episodes of Father Ted PBS is obligated to show ten full seasons of Are You Being Served? and the full length AYBS? feature film. I consider us lucky considering that all we have to trade is 8 Simple Rules and Reba.

The return of Kikkoman

Ready speakers and begin! Perhaps you remember this. It's back to amuse again. I found a translation and you know, it's also odd, but it doesn't add anything so no link will be provided.

Friday, September 24, 2004

Test your knowlege of Spears, tall guys and Mugabe impersonators with Auntie Beeb

Quiz me! I got a solid five. I'll suggest that Kevin Federline could get more respect by speaking in a well modulated voice or impersonating Robert Mugabe than dressing as indicated.
Bill got three and that's pretty good considering the devastating news that the Malaysian woman has smashed his long standing record.
Fly ride Chank is selling the caddy. He filled it up last week at 1.75 a gallon. Think about all the cheap gas that thing has in it's massive tank. If you buy the car and just siphon off the gas to use in your modern, efficient vehicle you're ahead. It's like you get the car for free. You could park it in the back for the kids to use as a playhouse. Your kids will love acting out the adventures of Capitan Hazlewood in this nautical themed beauty.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Evil Pictograms

YEp, Evil Pictograms The first of many old email clearouts to come.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Full text of a Press Release from known band

Pop Vultures

Vinnie & the Stardüsters' Censored Radio Show to Air on MPR 91.1

When Minnesota Public Radio and Prairie Home Productions decided to pay
tribute to local mock-rock legends, Vinnie & the Stardüsters, they weren't
prepared for the ground-breaking bathroom humor emitted during the recording
sessions. Quaking from fear of a crackdown from the FCC and John Ashcroft,
MPR caved under pressure and censored the thigh-slapping repartee of the
Düsters. Not since Lenny Bruce have such extraordinary potty jokes fallen victim
to such persecution.
The ale-fueled sessions in the cellar of the Prairie Home Companion offices
produced the now-legendary "basement tapes," only a smattering of which will
be heard on the air. Events turned sour, however, when the show's name was
changed from "The Mighty Mighty Stardüsters" to the limp-wristed "Pop
Vultures." The final straw came when producer Garrison Keillor tried to rename
Vinnie & the Stardüsters "The Beer Brothers." John stormed out of the session
but was coaxed back behind the microphone with cookies and a big fat
To keep the case out of court, MPR agreed to air 13 episodes of the highly-
censored radio show. Pop Vultures, aka "The Vinnie & the Stardüsters' Power
Hour," has already aired in Seattle, Portland, Austin, Basra, and twelve other
We ask you to express your solidarity with The Stardüsters and condemn this
age-of-terror censorship fueled by the present Bush Administration and please
turn off your radio except at these “funny” times:

10:06 p.m. Stardüster drummer Nick is cut off by hostess Kate Sullivan and
Nick's gratuitous anatomical reference is erased.

10:17 p.m. Stardüster singer John utters brilliant jab at Mick Jagger's stage
wiggling, then his potentially inflammatory statement is deleted.

10:19 p.m. Stardüster guitarist Eric actually talks about music but is interrupted
by Nick who is in turn cut off by tape editor because of sexually-explicit comment
about White Stripes' drummer.

Comments/protest about the show and questions about the Stardüsters'
personal lives are very-much welcomed at:

What: A half-hour radio infomercial about Vinnie & the Stardüsters called "Pop
Vultures" analyzing the inspiration of the Stardüsters' music. Each week will
focus on a different Stardüster, their personal lives, musical muses, their battles
with sex addictions, drugs and getting the highest-quality heroin for their money.

When: 10 p.m. Sundays for 13 weeks beginning September 6th.

Where: KNOW 91.1

Why: To advertise Vinnie & the Stardüsters and promote their forthcoming ep

Tuesday, September 21, 2004


Thanks, Google pixies!

Rant and Rail drinks I suppose it would be neighborly to ask about ball lightning but then I'd be challenging the Straight Dope primacy.

eggs, flat bread, a quart of milk

In the event of massive over-reaction your seat cushion may be used to hide under I bet Midwest could have asked someone to translate the list before they grounded the flight.

Monday, September 20, 2004

Stand back as a lot of money will be coming out of your hard drive and you don't want to get buried!

Then forward this message to ten friends A pleasant site full of the junk chain mail perpetrated by technically naive good samaritans. This link goes straight to what may be the first of the genre and then read the hilarious follow up.

Friday, September 17, 2004

Ball Lightning, revisited

You may recall that in an earlier post, I linked to a Straight Dope article mentioning ball lightning. I stated that I'd have to read some more on it. Little did I know that I'd be reading some more from the same source.

Uncle Cecil takes another shot.

Not much new info. A different eyewitness, and cynicism from Mr. Adams.

Further bulletins as events warrant.

Avast! September 19 be the day ter parlay like it's 1799

Sunday, Bloody Sunday Walkin' around the house talking like a pirate pretty much means business as usual. I'll just go ahead and start doing it today. Yargh, git off me print queue yer besotted recruitment dogs and smartly. Thar's gunnals of draft manuals be needing compliance once over and yer lubber's akkersit referral documentations be mernopolizin tray 2. Arr, If'n we catch yer squiddy docs creatin' another jamm expect a keelhaulin' if'n ye don't also notify IT and ask Jeanne to order a HPLJ4 maintainance kit.

Avast, It be the news quiz, matey. Yarr.

Quiz me! "When you've got your result, why not e-mail the quiz to your friends to see how they measure up? " Ok, I will. Thanks.
Bill did. He got his worst result ever, including special Latvian awareness quizzes. It was a 1.
I did 100% better. I owe it to watching BBC America to keep up on the latest crime drama and home makeover news.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Now I wanna sniff some glue

Goodbye Johnny. Do yourself a favor and listen to some Ramones today. Think about rock and roll. Then go buy some new music you don't know.

Hechsher are easier to understand than Homeland security color coding

Kosher Alert! Last evening I enjoyed an informative talk about the standard markings on Kosher products. Chocolate Oreoes? Yep. Happy 5765!

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

I believe the proper term is "unmitigated gall"

I'm not a big John Kerry fan. Nor am I a big George W. fan. I was a fan of truth, justice and the American way. Then I realized that this epitomizes the American way:

Florida redux

Now I'm a fan of truth and justice.


Friday, September 10, 2004

Another Friday. Another quiz that mentions JK Rowling

Quiz me! A very UK quiz today. After the chatshow, football programme, and rugby star I double checked that it was the world quiz. I got 3 and so did Bill. What is an Iranian strip?

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Ken, Ken, Ken.

Loser The Tournament of Champions will probably be pretty amazing. I expect a challenge that ends up in a hand-to-hand combat round.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004


No plan for a chute here, either. The Genesis probe crushed a small bit of Earth today. It had been in the news this week due to the flashy plan to have a team of Hollywood stunt pilots swoop in with helicopters and hook the parachute just before landing to protect the delicate solar matter in the probe. That didn't go so well and the chute failed to open at all. Bill wrote me earlier today to say he was concerned that we'd have a replay of the Mutara Nebula episode. So far I feel fine. A little tingly but otherwise, ok.
Build the model. Bill says that he'll be smashing his to the ground when it's done to make it more realistic.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Ken smash tiny brain challenger

Setting aside the dead pool for a momentAny thoughts on when it might end? I'm guessing they'll work out a deal on a magic number like win #50 or at $2 million. At the end of that show he'll get his name added to some new "Hall of Fame" set piece and then Alex Trebek will ceremonially chase him from the soundstage with a shotgun.

Saturday, September 04, 2004

Big 100

And still going strong This is the hundredth post to the Mr. Fares blog. I only make a big deal for two reasons.

First to thank the visitors, commentators, and collaborators who participate.
Second because it will be another five to six years before my car hits 100k and that's too long to wait for a celebration. Have I mentioned my mileage? It's awesome. I get about 30 MPG and that's mainly commuting in town.

Thanks again, people.

Friday, September 03, 2004

I may not be hip but I am well informed, thanks to the BBC news quiz.

Quiz me! I got 2. I think I made some pretty game guesses, some right and others less so. I was not familiar with the bear story. That is one impressive bear and it makes one wonder if it was really a mere bear or something else. Something we haven't seen before that looks a lot like a bear. Something that knew that his freedom was vital to the mission. Something that apparently thought he could do better than the gorilla that busted out of Die Zoologisher Garten Berlin last month.